Another Tangent

So I am going to stray from my blog plan yet again but I think it is very important.

So this weekend was the annual Father & Son Retreat my church puts on every year. I’ve been going every year since I was 6. It’s fun, it’s some good father bonding time. But it comes with some negatives, 150 conservative baptists, devotion times and douche bags. All the kids my age and that I grew up don’t go anymore, even if they did I don’t think we would connect on much. My brother and several of his friends still go. We have a crew we hang out with, the “older crew”. Its my dad, my brother, me, my brothers friend, his other friend, his friends little brother, and a dad of the friend and his brother. The dad is also good friends with my dad, they happen to be in a prayer group together.

Anyways, I’m friends with most of these kids on facebook but they are very restricted to what they can see such as my orientation. Well apparently my brothers friend saw that I support gay marriage through a status or something. Right off the bat on this trip he attacks me for this. He asked when this happened, so I told him I guess when I went to Oregon. He then asked why, so I said because I think people should be able to love who they love and if they want to get married no one else should tell them they can’t. He then responded that the scripture says it is wrong, so I responded that there is separation of church and state. To which he replied that he thinks that is wrong and a whole other issue. So I responded that it’s in the constitution, to which he replied the bible is older. I stopped there and let it go. I’m sorry but how can you believe that separation of church and state is wrong? If it wasn’t there, where would the oppression stop, other religions would be segregated and ridiculed. I just can’t even begin to comprehend how you could think that, our country was founded on that and has been that way for over 200 years?! Then how can the Bible is older be a reason that gay marriage is wrong, they also sacrifice animals, oppress women and tons of other terrible things. Then this friends little brother goes on to say “Sometimes I want to do a drive by?” I believe it was referring to driving by and killing some homos. REALLY? Not even funny to joke about. Oh then the guy who attacked me tried to bring it up with my dad who was out of the conversation. DOUCHE.

The next day my dad, my brother, the guy who attacked me and I were having some sort of political conversation, I can’t remember about what. But I made some kind of comment and so he replied with “WELL YOU’RE FOR GAY MARRIAGE TOO, WHAT DO YOU BAT FOR THE OTHER TEAM?!” Now you attack me and accuse me of being gay in front of my family. Thanks!

Then later that night my brother, his friend and I went down to the basketball court to see what this douche was up to. He was playing some dumb version of baseball he made up with a bunch of other people. The game finished as we got there and they were deciding if they wanted to play another game, so the douche asks us if we want to play. Both my brother and his friend said no and I shook my head to which he replied “OF COURSE YOU DON’T YOU’RE A HOMO!” Wow now you attack me in front of a large group of people. Thanks again!

Then finally the next morning while we were cleaning our cabin I’m not sure what was going on but he says something along the lines “So what’s his name? Your boyfriend?” Really?! Is all of this necessary? Do you suspect or know I’m gay and you’re trying to out me? Because I don’t know what is more inappropriate attacking someone for their beliefs or outing you to your family and other people. I just don’t get people. You should NEVER EVER our someone, they will tell people when they’re ready. You should NEVER attack someone on their beliefs, you can have a conversation on it and try to understand the others views but now belittle them. I guess I should accept his views as well but how can I accept views that are outdated and wrong? I don’t think a majority should be able to decide a minorities rights.

All of this just really got to me. To top all of this off, father and sons had to have a 30 minute heart to heart. My dad asks my brother and I where we see ourselves in the next year and what we want in the next couple. I told him how I want to have a job, my own place. He asks and do you see your self meeting your significant other? So I said yes. And he’s like and do you want to get married? TO A WOMAN? Isn’t that awkward that he tacked on “to a woman?” at the end. He must suspect something but then if did know and really thought it was true why would he make it awkward like that?

I feel judged by other homos when they find out I’m 22 and not out to my parents. And sometimes I judge myself for it especially when I see other homos with similar families and that they have come out. If they can do it why can’t I? It makes it harder that I live with them and am dependent on them financially, not that they would disown me. Honestly I’m not sure what they would do. I will tell them but when I am ready not when someone outs me or tells me I am ready. It just bothers me that my own kind judge me for something they should understand themselves.

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