Feelings

First off I want to apologize for the drunkenness of the last post, I was very drunk and angry. I had to get my feelings out somehow at 3am right? Anyways so I’ve been thinking about what to put into this post and I think I’ve got it. How are you supposed to differentiate feelings? How do you know if you really like someone? Like REALLY like? You know not just some infatuation but a feeling that can become something more, a relationship that can go somewhere?

Let me go into the back story here…. So after 2 Saturdays ago which is described poorly in the post below I have mot hung out with Trevor. We talked the next day and he apologized and things seemed ok. Then on Monday we were talking online and he asked me if I remembered how his gay friend asked “So are you guys together?” And how Trevor said “No……..” He then said he didn’t really know what to say and asked if I was mad, I said “No, I didn’t know what to say either”. So I felt like it was the right time to ask “So what are we? Not that it needs a label.” He then said “I’d say we are dating but also good friends” PAUSE. What does “and good friends mean”?  But that’s besides the point. He then asked me what I think, so I said I’d say the same thing, that we’re dating, that we’ve been hanging out for about a month so I’d say we’re dating. All he said was “right on”, so I said “I def enjoy hanging out with you and want to keep hanging out.” And he said “agreed”. He then said that this was a better conversation to have in person. Then late he said I should come over to his place the next day. Next day rolls around and I don’t hear much from him but then he IMs me saying there is a show and I’m welcome to come along if I want. I replied saying I don’t really have the money to go to a show. He texts me after the show saying good night yada yada. Cute and interested right? He also texts me in the morning asking if I’ve heard from OnPoint since I had an interview the week before. On Wednesday or Thursday we’re talking online and he said he had to go so I let him know if he wanted to hang out later he should let me know. Nothing…. Friday he asks me what I’m doing and makes it sound like he wants to hang out. I let him know I’m hanging out with Lien and some friends and that we’re going out downtown for some drinks. I invite him along but he declines and also says we’re welcome to come to his friend’s house. Later in the night he asks me what I am doing and that he’s at his friend’s house but their aren’t there and invites us over. I decline since we wanted to go dancing and it was far away. Don’t hear from him till he drunk dials me and tells me about some drama that happened. So the next morning I wake up to a text that says come over when you wake up, well I’m not going to drive downtown without talking to him first. I ended up missing his IMs online and by the time I replied he wasn’t there. Around 2:30 in the afternoon he called me and told me more about the night before and how shitty it was and how he was going to his friend Jana’s house and later hanging out with 2 of his guy friends. He asks if I wanna hangout so I’m like definitely  just let me know when you’re done hanging out. He says well let me get to Jana’s house and see what were doing and I’ll call you in 30 minutes.

A week later and I had yet to hear from him. Yes I could have text him that night or the next morning saying “Thanks for calling me…” But I didn’t, I felt like it was his place to contact me and figured he would. Since he hadn’t it made me not want to contact him that much more. We had been online at the same times but no message at all. Of course my mind thinks maybe he can’t get a hold of me, or maybe he’s waiting for me to contact him? Both of which don’t make much sense since he said he would call me back in 30 and since he could easily contact me. There was some odd things with going idle and away on Gmail though which made me wonder if he couldn’t contact me. Well fast forward to Friday he ends up texting me “How are you doin?” I waited to reply and went to the gym and ended up messaging him back about 2 hours later saying “I’m alright, how are you?” And now yet again I am waiting to hear back from him? Maybe it will be a week again until I hear from him. I just don’t know what to do. Should I put the effort into contacting him? It doesn’t really seem like he wants to contact me but he seemed totally interested before, and how can he lose interest in a week we didn’t even hang out? Why didn’t he put more effort into hanging out that week while we were still talking? Did he want me to put more effort into it? Either way he should have called me back in 30 minutes.

So let me get back to what I actually wanted to talk about in this blog since I got way WAY off topic. During this time of not hanging out I got to thinking did I really like like him? Am I missing him or just miss getting out of the house, having more fun than I was, hanging out with people or having sex? Without it I sit at home more and do nothing. How am I supposed to differentiate these things? Even the past few days we were hanging out I was wondering if I really did like him, how do you know? Sometimes it’s hard to tell, or is it just me? Man I was just really getting over him and then he goes and texts me to just not respond again. I am sooo confused…..

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Comments
One Response to “Feelings”
  1. jdtodd says:

    wayyyyy to long, sorry!

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